top of page
< Back

BuyMort: Grand Opening

9/10

Damien Hanson / Joseph Phelps

LitRPG, Gamelit, Progression, 5x

The Story

Some predicted that the AI singularity would result in robots destroying the world. None of them ever understood that it was the sales algorithms they had to be afraid of.

After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised.

But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed.

It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie. Because BuyMort doesn’t care about anything except the bottom line.

Enter Tyson Dawes, a no-cares slacker with a traumatic past, two wrinkled bucks in his wallet, and a crap job caretaking a crap campground in the desert sands of Arizona. He had a deal with the world. He didn’t change it, and it didn’t change him. Seemed simple enough. He liked it, anyway.

BuyMort changed all that the moment it let loose a torrent of alien entrepreneurs upon his planet, intent on selling everything that hadn’t been tagged through the system and classified as his private property.

When a man has little, he cherishes it. When that little is lost, he’ll do whatever it takes and change into whatever he needs to be able to get that little bit back.

I have no idea what it was that kept me from reading this book sooner. It wasn’t the cover—I’ve seen worse. Maybe it was the title? But honestly, if I could pinpoint the reason, I’d send a strongly worded letter to myself. Because I’m actually a bit annoyed I waited this long to pick up what turned out to be an absolute gem. As usual, I went the audiobook route—and believe me when I say, the narration is chef’s kiss. Top tier. From the instantly recognizable character voices to the deliberate, exaggerated pronunciation of BUYMORT every time the system name is used, it’s damn near perfect. I’ve lost count of how many times the snake lady’s dramatic hissed “BUYMORT” made me laugh out loud in public like a lunatic. This book is a rare find—a LitRPG that actually brings something fresh to the table. And as someone who consumes this genre like it’s a limited-time offer about to be pulled from the shelves, that’s saying something. It’s not just stats and grind and dungeon crawls (though there’s enough of that to scratch the itch). No, this one leans hard into a concept so clever, so weirdly believable, it makes you side-eye your Amazon app. In this world, BUYMORT is a universal shopping system beamed directly into your brain by some mysterious, likely malevolent—or maybe just cheeky—entity. Want something? Need something? Think about it too hard and bam: you get a personalized ad straight to the dome, complete with user reviews, star ratings, and a price tag in “morties.” It’s satire, it’s commentary, it’s immersive… and it’s hilarious. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on the system, it throws you for another loop. Sleep purchases? Subconscious transactions? That one moment when the MC realises his dream self has blown through his budget on emotional comfort purchases? Brilliant. The story has heart, too. Underneath the laughs and the system shenanigans, there’s genuine character growth, worldbuilding that doesn’t take itself too seriously but still pulls you in, and a clever narrative thread that keeps you hooked. All in all, BuyMort isn’t just another ticked box on my LitRPG binge list—it’s a standout. A weird, wonderful, consumerist fever dream of a book that somehow manages to be both parody and solid storytelling. I’ll definitely be diving straight into book two. But first, let me just check if I’ve accidentally bought anything in my sleep… Five glowing morties. Highly recommended.

My Review

I have no idea what it was that kept me from reading this book sooner. It wasn’t the cover—I’ve seen worse. Maybe it was the title? But honestly, if I could pinpoint the reason, I’d send a strongly worded letter to myself. Because I’m actually a bit annoyed I waited this long to pick up what turned out to be an absolute gem.

As usual, I went the audiobook route—and believe me when I say, the narration is chef’s kiss. Top tier. From the instantly recognizable character voices to the deliberate, exaggerated pronunciation of BUYMORT every time the system name is used, it’s damn near perfect. I’ve lost count of how many times the snake lady’s dramatic hissed “BUYMORT” made me laugh out loud in public like a lunatic.

This book is a rare find—a LitRPG that actually brings something fresh to the table. And as someone who consumes this genre like it’s a limited-time offer about to be pulled from the shelves, that’s saying something. It’s not just stats and grind and dungeon crawls (though there’s enough of that to scratch the itch). No, this one leans hard into a concept so clever, so weirdly believable, it makes you side-eye your Amazon app.

In this world, BUYMORT is a universal shopping system beamed directly into your brain by some mysterious, likely malevolent—or maybe just cheeky—entity. Want something? Need something? Think about it too hard and bam: you get a personalized ad straight to the dome, complete with user reviews, star ratings, and a price tag in “morties.” It’s satire, it’s commentary, it’s immersive… and it’s hilarious.

And just when you think you’ve got a handle on the system, it throws you for another loop. Sleep purchases? Subconscious transactions? That one moment when the MC realises his dream self has blown through his budget on emotional comfort purchases? Brilliant.

The story has heart, too. Underneath the laughs and the system shenanigans, there’s genuine character growth, worldbuilding that doesn’t take itself too seriously but still pulls you in, and a clever narrative thread that keeps you hooked.

All in all, BuyMort isn’t just another ticked box on my LitRPG binge list—it’s a standout. A weird, wonderful, consumerist fever dream of a book that somehow manages to be both parody and solid storytelling. I’ll definitely be diving straight into book two. But first, let me just check if I’ve accidentally bought anything in my sleep…

Five glowing morties. Highly recommended.

© 2022 by David Lingard. Proudly created with Wix.com

David Lingard is an author of LitRPG, Gamelit, Progression Fantasy, Sci-Fi and Historical Fiction Books

bottom of page